A State of Prayer

It's been almost two months since I moved from Wichita to Raleigh and in that time I've noticed I do one thing (at least) quite terribly - prayer. 

Sure it's one thing to write out your prayer or speak it out to God, that's easy, to fill time with words and void with thought, but it's another thing entirely to listen to God speak, to shut yourself up, to let the pen stop scratching the page and listen. It's a treat really, to listen to the God who made all, sustains all, and holds all things together, but it's also a discipline (admittedly one I'm not very good at). What's more is the way God provides and heals and helps: food, money and shelter have been given to us but the task of listening to this Giver is still terribly difficult. 

So here's to shutting up. Here's to saying nothing at all and spending silent time with the Creator of the universe, the Sustainer of your soul. Here's to having Scripture be your prayer and your answer. Here's to the God who hears and answers and speaks with His children tenderly about his love for them in Jesus. 

Moving Forward

So, I've been working on this next series of posts (Check out a lil more on The What Nots page).

Thus, most of the mental capacity has been pushing in that direction and until that's written and being posted I'm not sure how many posts will be coming around. But there'll probably be these types of posts, ones chronicling my mind as I write this piece.

It’s a treaties I suppose. One wherein many of the feelings I’ve had for many years are finally being drawn out. Then it was about the prosperity gospel (If you want to read a terrible post from years ago, you can – but I don’t recommend it). Now it’s something much more.

Like I said, “for some years my mind has both raged against and worked through these issues and topics. Yet now, after years of intense learning (being a pastor will wreck you & build you) and the gracious development of God in my life and soul, I’m at a place to start writing.”

At least that’s how my journal reads.

I’ll need prayer, that’s for sure. ‘Cause I’m still young and still dumb. But I hope this next series is beneficial to all who read them, in any capacity at all.

Eyes Wide Open

Keep our eyes open.

Sometimes the way things were wanted is the way things weren’t meant to be.

Sometimes you’re talked to in a way, which never was before.

Sometimes you just begin to wonder what really might be the plan.

All in all the plan is still there and God is still King and you are just his creation used to shine forth his beauty. But if we walk with our eyes, spiritual and physical, closed then we miss the gorgeous reality of what’s all around us and supplant it with the faux reality of imagination.

But imagination will never be able to replace that which is real. The gaseous will never reform the solid.

No asymptote will intersect and no tornado is without trace.

But far too often we cling to the fake. We pine for the Hollywood effect rather than the wonder of what’s real. We want the asymptote to meet and the tornado to be clean. But it never will be.

So, to keeping our eyes open. Not to what we want, but to what is. That by grace we are saved and by mercy we are redeemed, while in the face of death there is salvation.

In work we are there for a purpose. In fun we are there for a purpose.

Not that every situation’s purpose must be sought out and journaled about, but rather we are to be where we are with the same boldness, which took Jesus to the cross.

Calmly we accept what is before us. Prayerfully we walk into where we are. Trustingly we look to the sovereign nature of our God. Boldly we know that Jesus is our only hope. Gently we lead those who follow. Courageously we see our own faults. Forcibly (and graciously) we keep our eyes wide open to soak in every smallest portion of the trip.

Papers & Professor

He sat across from me at my hiding place (the spot I go to rest while working). The table, admittedly, can accommodate more than one person, but I often times like to spread out and use it all, so when he asked if he could use it as well, the internal struggle began.

Quickly it was overcome.

He got his papers out, his pencils out, after setting his coffee down, and then came out the grade book. This white-haired, mustached teacher, or maybe professor, began diligently grading.

So naturally I had to change the music in my headphones to opera (don’t judge).

Business Communication class. Cover letters. Resumes.

The collar of his shirt was worn and discolored, the ring on his left hand once deeply engraved now dulled and scratched following every word written on every paper graded with the well sharpened pencil scribbling learned notes.

Having our papers graded is never fun. It’s a nervous business. We don’t want to fail, but we, in some way, want to learn (otherwise we wouldn’t have turned the paper in, in the first place).

This is how I feel about prayer.

I want to ask for help, but I’m scared of the reproving. Do you know what I mean?

When you know God is sufficient but you’re nervous of being answered? ‘Cause sometimes how could the answer be good? Yet we ask anyway. Trusting what’s to be done will be for our good.

My Climbing Tree

I have a tree and no it’s not the one in my front yard. It’s my, “Climbing Tree,” tucked away nicely in Riverside Park, it’s a big birch tree (and now that I’ve told you, you can’t go steal it, ok? Good.).

Perfect for climbing or sitting at its base and thinking. I’ve been finding myself there often lately. It’s a true statement to say the tree has seen me cry more than most people. It’s also seen me laugh a whole dang lot (my mind is kinda odd… if you didn’t already catch that little factoid).

Which brings me to my point. Suffering or pain or misunderstanding whatever vocabulary you’d like to chuck its way. And on top of it joy, ‘cause I think joy is misunderstood to mean happiness. But I don’t think joy means feeling happy, no; I don’t believe that by any stretch of the imagination.

What I mean is this: In the midst of misunderstanding the circumstances I am in complete understanding (and more than that, believing) the reality of the gospel. So in loss recognizing the vast gain found on the treasure of the gospel. Or in pain realizing the comfort found in the refuge of Jesus.

Joy is understanding your eternity is secure. Not as seeing your circumstances as painful. Oh though they might be more painful than you’ve ever felt before, and all the crushing weight of fear and the unknown come washing over you like some torrent of needles… Joy is planted in the heart so firmly so as to be the roots of faith.

But these lyrics ring true, “Soon shall close the earthly mission, swift shall pass thy pilgrim days, hope soon change to glad fruition, faith to sight, and prayer to praise.”

In All Things

“I don’t pray enough.” I’m fairly certain most people I know have said this at least once – if not more. And it’s true I don’t pray enough. But what is prayer? Is it just talking to God? Is it a, “War-time walkie-talkie (John Piper)?” Is it for comfort? Or, maybe, is it for strengthening? Jesus teaches us to pray to the Father (Matt. 6:9-13), so does this mean prayers are ineffectual if they are prayers to the Holy Spirit or to Jesus?

You see, we say (rather I say) we don’t pray enough but when it comes to the actual act of prayer we don’t really 1) know how to pray or 2) know what it is.

As to how we ought to pray I would say there is no better outline for it than the way Jesus taught us. This is not to say that praying to the Holy Spirit or Jesus is sinful, but it is to say it is not how Jesus taught his disciples to pray. We pray to the Father through the redemption of the Son in the power of the Spirit.

As to what prayer is -- it’s everything. For are we not supposed to be doing all things to the Father through the redemption of the Son in the power of the Spirit? So if this were done perfectly (ahem) would it not be conceivable for all of life to be constant prayer?

So comfort, strengthening, war, talking, humbling, emboldening, and discouraging are all encompassed in prayer, and not simply those but also our jobs and families and friends and driving. These are all encompassed in the scope of prayer. We are to be doing all things to the Father through the redemption of the Son in the power of the Spirit (Phil 4:6; Col 4:2).

Perhaps it would be better to live a life of prayer than any other form of life.

Friday's Ripped from the Journal

Luke 10:38-42
“Now as the went their way Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her to help me.’ But the Lord answered her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

Is there enough time allotted in my day to sit at Jesus’ feet?

My service to the church will be futile if I am not at my Master’s feet biding his call. Orders will not be properly heard or understood if I cannot hear my Captains voice.

The hustle and bustle of the pastorate can so easily ensnare my soul. I must, by the grace of God, transcend and be at his feet whilst doing my duty.

If fear it is the same for many, to go all day without any form of communiqué with our Leader. We are offered so much in such a small thing, but we cannot bring ourselves to perform it, yet often times when we do we perform a hideous form of it.

Prayer is what I write of. We do not pray, as we ought. Either we pray with intent to get something out of our one-sided conversation with the Divine or pray in a completely wrong manner.

Indeed he must make us humble to learn and accept what prayer is and its paramount importance in the fight.