Understanding Failure

Sunday's sermon was two things for me: 1) it was refreshing to hear things that I love preached; 2) it was hurtful to see – in my own life – my failure to be those things.

First, it was refreshing because as single men we need to learn to grow up and be responsible. To take hold of our decisions and be able to say, “Yes, I did that,” and if it was wrong to take the right blame and be repentant in our confession of failing; and if it was right to not gloat it over the heads of others.

To learn what it is to pay bills and keep and manage a budget while working a job and learning about who you are in God. Aiming to see Him glorified in all of life in work and responsibility as well as fun and relaxing. Then, by the grace of God someday bring and woman into that, to learn to love her well – in a God-fearing, God-trusting, God-exalting, Jesus-clinging way.

Second, this hurt like a ton of bricks dropped on my heart. “Passive” is scary word to me; I hate passivity – yet that is exactly what I’ve been in almost every dating relationship I’ve been in. Sure it’s one thing to take the lead when the person on the other side of the phone or the other side of your cup of coffee doesn’t know you deeply, but it’s something else entirely to tell a woman, “You’re not trusting Christ the way you need to be," or, "I've sinned against you by making you my idol."

The gut-wrenching reality is I’m not trusting Christ the way I need to be. Rather than knowing my mantra  (“My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness”) to be true, I look into her eyes and I’m more worried about making her happy than seeing God 1) honored, 2) glorified, 3) followed.

So what’s a single man to do? (Time to speak to myself in a third person kind of way.) He should aim at being so committed to God that a girl cannot and will not sway him from seeing God glorified in his life. He should be believing the gospel for all his passed failures and future screw ups. He should be praying, “Make me a better man, one to love my God, one to follow him, one to be in Jesus. To – one day – love a woman, to raise children, to be a leader-follower. Help me be a better man; to leave my wants for hers, to leave my needs for hers, to look to you for comfort and peace. Make me a better man for your glory.”

Friday's Thoughts

1) The Kat tries to eat birds through windows - it never works.

2) "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Easy to say when you feel strong. Necessary when weak.

3) Updated my phone, ipad, and macbook yesterday. It took a combined 7 hours to do it all.

4) Restore to me the joy of my salvation.

5) Had a Gradma grandson date. I ate a lamb.

6) Class on Tuesday night felt like falling into the rabbit hole. We communicated about communicating for the communication of theory in communication - yea, that's about right.

7) Hello allergies. Die, die now.

8) I get to re-do the presentation which went so horribily because, "I don't think you knew exactly what I wanted." Check.

9) I watch movies in chunks now. Never one whole movie at a time. But one movie over 2 weeks.

10) NEEDTOBREATHE has an EP out. It's lovely. Here's a tune.

Re-defining Good

A while back in one of those “thoughts” posts I wrote the following: “The goodness of God draws us to repentance. I think our definition of 'good' is too small, too shallow, too flimsy.” I want to think that through a little more.

It’s easy to look at goodness and only think of lovely things, of happy times. Those times when we’re feeling freest and strongest. When things seem to be going swimmingly and all is ‘right’ in the world.

Let me get to the point more directly. We need to re-define ‘good.’

We need to re-define it because we know the goodness of God draws us to repentance. We know he is the director of the orchestra of life and therefore the beautiful highs and the terrible lows are all part of the symphony of the plan of God.

I look to the death of a good friend and cannot help but think, “That was the goodness of God drawing my heart to repentance.” I look at the struggles of my own heart and mind and must admit, “These are the goodness of God drawing me to repentance.” I look at the wonder of my nephew and must confess, “This is the goodness of God drawing me to repentance.” I look at the Big Dipper in the night sky and know, "There is the goodness of God drawing me to repentance." 

Repentance: the turning away from sin to Jesus.

Goodness: the actions of God to give me (us) God.

There’s more redefining to do. All our words must be re-understood. For God is God and we are not, therefore we are feebly weak in our grasping at vocabulary. ‘Cause good might not always feel 'good'; and love won’t always feel like 'loving'; and hope won’t always feel like flying.

(Picture from Steve Coleman)

Taken From the Journal

"It had been a while since the reality of the cross impacted my heart. Since an understanding of the brutality of the cross has shown to affect emotion.

"Henry Scougal is right in saying, "Faith hath the same place in the Divine Life, which sense hath in the natural, being indeed nothing else but a kind of sense or feeling persuasion of spiritual things; it extends itself unto all Divine truths; but in our lapsed estate, it hath a peculiar relation to the declaration of God’s mercy and reconcilableness to sinners through a mediator; and therefore, receiving its denomination from that principal object, is ordinarily termed, ‘Faith in Jesus Christ.’"

"Both emotion and the intellect should be engaged in faith. For while one or the other will be primary both ought to be present.

"Because if faith is simply based on swinging emotionalism there is no knowledge or wisdom thus the person is stupidly ignorant. But if faith is a mass of knowledge and has no outlet the person is witlessly unwise and heartless, beating people with knowledge as though he wielded a battle-axe.

"So I must have both."

Middle of the Week Thoughts

1) I'm preaching this weekend at Journey the Way, so writing for the blog hasn't been a priority.

2) All of John 17 in one sermon. Buckle up.

3) I will be eating at Chik-Fil-A today.

4) The Church has always been the plan of God. (Ironically enough what I mean by 'always' is always.)

5) I cannot confirm or deny I started doing some sort of, ahem, 'work-out' this week. If I did, don't worry about it. If I didn't don't worry about it.

6) I'm wearing flip-flops for the first time this summer... I feel like a sell out.

7) The Gaslight Anthem.

8) I need to improve my grilling skills.

9) Re-getting Grace. Still.

10) This Song

Re-getting Grace

Let’s talk grace.

Completely undeserved gift, completely free, completely.

I remember a few years back understanding grace in a new and beautiful way. The phrase, “Free grace,” was what I lived under. The teachings through Galatians were what I sat under, and all the while a banner of unmerited grace was flown high for any and all to see. Those were some amazing months.

Since then my understanding of grace hadn’t grown too much.

There’d been no further study or understanding of grace. No other facet of the diamond of grace had been shown to me. Nothing had pushed it forward in my brain.

But I can’t say that anymore.

Again, and differently I’m seeing grace and re-understanding the verse at the top of this blog. Knowing myself to be wretched and undeserving but God to be in total control and loving. But I want to be in control of the grace being given to me…

Weird. I want to concretely know that grace will be there tomorrow and the next day and forever. I want to ration it out to myself. I want to be so sure of it that I can hold on to it. But I can’t hold on to this free gift – it holds on to me.

So here I sit, lavished by grace, undeserved and beautiful and scary too.

Old Phrase

“Infinite perfections.”

All those dead guys I love to read always use this phrase at some point or another to describe God.

Eventually Jonathan Edwards will drop it (…like it’s hot?) or Calvin will going on and on about how beautiful these “infinite perfections” are, still more Luther will cuss at you while telling you about your stupidity in not seeing the “infinite perfections" of God (Luther is my favorite).

But, I know our language, and I also know we probably aren’t quite sure what to make of a phrase like this.

When I first read it, it was just more words. But now, today, this morning even, they’ve taken on new meaning.

The infinite perfections of God.

He is from first to last utterly perfect. Not a part of his wrath is imperfect. Not a part of his justice is imperfect. Not a part of his grace, mercy, goodness, greatness, grandeur, glory, wonder, splendor, Kingship, wisdom, knowledge, gentleness, kindness, humility, zeal, passion, or love is imperfect.

Think about that. Every bit of every detail of every turn of who God is, is completely and totally perfect - infinite perfections.

Yet still more this quote is deeply true, “We have scarcely begun to see all of God that the Scriptures give us to see, and what we have not seen yet is exceedingly glorious (John Piper).”

Truly what we’ve seen is exceedingly glorious, but what we haven’t seen will add still more and more to the exceeding glory of the infinite perfections of who God is making all of life worthwhile because God is God and we are not.

For Mother's Day

What my mother means to me:

Graciousness.

Mercifulness.

Lovely.

Tenderness.

Boldness.

Gentleness.

Kindness.

My mom is an amazing woman. While working a professional job saving lives, she raised two kids. She put up with the antics of my dad (and mine, ‘cause raising a boy is straight sanctification I assume) and did so in a way that bespeaks godly, biblical submission to his authority. (That is not to say my upbringing was in any way chauvinistic. It is to say my dad was/is the spiritual leader.)

Mother’s day, the day to celebrate what mom has done for her kids.

For protecting her kids like a bear.

For being the only one to console a broken heart.

For being the nurse to fix scrapped knees.

For saving tiny shoes and old pictures.

For the correction little sinners need.

For the tears at our graduations and awards.

For the life of love given to another.

 Yet, some have lost their mom. Whether from the slow wear of time, cancer, or suddenness of a car wreck she won’t be around this Sunday. Indeed, eventually, most of us will face the time where we bid our final goodbye and try to remember her as she was.

So Mother’s Day might as well be another way to say unconditional-love-care-support-gentleness-kindness-and-protection Day -- for all. The druggy on the street corner, the friends who have lost her, the kids who know her, and everyone else, ‘cause mom was always there for me and what better way to celebrate who my mom is than to imitate her?

Weekend Thoughts

1) My cat uses echolocation to get around and likes coffee as much as I do.

2) Toys-R-Us has Twilight toys for preschoolers. Unacceptable America, unacceptable.

3) Christopher Hitchens died? Dang it. Read more here.

4) Sherlock Holmes 2 = success

5) Grace, grace, grace, it’s all grace.

6) I’m not sarcastic. Ever.

7) Do Christians really want to die on the hill of “Happy Holidays?”

8) The closer you are to a situation the less you see it.

9) I’d like to be in Bethlehem this time of year, or Scotland. Either one.

10) Grandma took me grocery shopping! Food, good food!

Bonus:

11) The Three Musketeers is teaching me a lot about myself. Read it.

J.I. Packer Quote

This is a quote from J.I. Packer's "Knowing God" a wonderful book. Anywho, this quote is my song today. I pray it is as helpful to you as it is to me.

“Still He blesses those on whom he sets his love in a way that humbles them, so that all the glory may be his alone. Still he hates the sins of his people, and uses all kinds of inward and outward pains and grief’s to wean their hearts from compromise and disobedience. Still he seeks the fellowship of his people, and sends them both sorrows and joys in order to detach their love from other things and attach it to himself. Still he teaches believers to value his promised gifts by making them wait for those gifts, and compelling them to pray persistently for them, before he bestows them. So we read of God dealing with his people in the Scripture record, and so he deals with them still. His aims and principles of action remain consistent; he does not at any time act out of character. Our ways, we know, are pathetically inconsistent-but not God’s.”

Again, "Still he seeks the fellowship of his people, and sends them both sorrows and joys in order to detach their love from other things and attach it to himself."

May it be his merciful grace for us to understand this within out heart of hearts.

Death is Grace

What do we think of when we think of death? Often, I assume, we think of caskets and crying widows, Psalm 23, or the manner in which a friend died. Driving by graveyards with our breath held because it was a fun game when we were 10. Viewing the, “Homecoming Escort,” as both annoying and morbidly intriguing.

We usually steer clear of the discussion of dying. And, to be honest, we rightly do so, for it is a vast unknown. Some have faith, and some have science, but both are not 100% sure what will happen.

As one being saved by Jesus I would fall into the category of faith of an afterlife and an eternity with God. But sometimes I have my doubts. And sometimes I want nothing more than to be there now, and it of this I wish to write.

‘Longing’ might be a good word here, longing to die. To be free of earth and sin and myself, to look beyond that vast unknown chasm knowing what it felt like when my last breath was gone.

(Now, I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Get this dude a psychotherapist because the suicidal thoughts in the post are everywhere.” Societal thought has made death taboo however it’s just as much apart of life as love and we can talk about that without need of psychotherapist all day long).

But here’s my point: when we feel and understand so deeply our revulsion to sin we are, in that moment, screaming at the top of our hearts, “O death where is your victory? O death where is your sting?” And it is then when we see death as a grace not as a monster.

For what good God would let his loved creation wallow in the self-deprecating pitiful state that is Falling Short? How could a loving God be loving if he sat aside and let all men trudge along rather than bringing them away from the monotony? How could a glorious God be glorious if he did not eventually show his awful power and beautiful splendor to those he made to behold it? You see, death is a grace.