Personal Fault

“Come overwhelmed with life. Come with a wandering mind. Come messy…” Paul Miller

When I first read this line I thought of another, “Come with what you do not have and buy what’s undeserved. (Shane and Shane)”

Both struck me at an opportune time. This whole last semester has been both blurry and busy. The final semester of senior year, the changes happening at the church, the homework of every class, and the daunting third try at College Algebra all worked their ways under my skin.

Sleep wasn’t really sleep, if you know what I mean. It was a dark period where I was still tired after I woke up.

In all of this I became rather cynical (more so than normal). Judging others for their shortcomings became easy. Looking down on those of ‘lesser understanding’ was second nature. Being proud of what I know was how I’d act.

Yet conviction comes when you least expect it.

In a conversation with a friend, whom I love, talking about his very personal struggles.

It was just a passing thought in offering some advice, “You speak about how you still love the arrogant despite their sin, pride, but you don’t do that, do you Sam?”

Acting as though I had it altogether is like a vase sitting on the edge of the mantle, just waiting to be nudged off.

My point is this: I’ve not lived the mental Christian life well. The fight in your brain against sin, yea that one. Where you encourage others and, at times, reach to their level.

So, “Come overwhelmed with life. Come with a wandering mind. Come messy…” “Come with what you do not have and buy what’s undeserved.” Because He's love for his people drew Him to the cross.

Tragedy

Love. We all want it; we all have it in some degree, but we still want more. Living downtown has taught me this of us. We long to be cared for, mostly because we see ourselves as the greatest thing the world has yet to see.

I was talking with a homeless man about another homeless man. The latter had come through the church a few times but never stuck and gave me the chills. When I asked this particular homeless guy about him he said, “O, man he’s crazy.” Which struck me funny.

Another man, arguably in the same situation mentally calling another man crazy, is this irony? Or is this man so diluted that even the others in his situation don’t want to be around him.

Yet my mind kept spinning, I imagined a story and it went like this:

A couple walked down a snow packed sidewalk. They’d just come from a party in some darker side of town. The booze had been flowing and the crack had been lined so neatly.

The inebriated couple turns the corner and headed toward a clunker car. The light of the street lamp reveals the woman to be heavily pregnant.

A few weeks later she gives birth to a small baby boy. He’s quickly taken away by the S.R.S. to be placed in better living conditions. The mother could’ve cared less where he went she was too bent over in pain from the withdrawals of being without her precious substances for the time it took to be in labor.

The boy is given to his grandma, an elderly woman whose fragility is only kept whole by the strength of her love.

At the age of five the boy’s grandma dies. He is once again handed over to the system to see what ought to be done with him. Foster home after foster home turns him away because, “He’s just too much.”

When he’s 11 he’s standing in a church in an ill-fitting suit looking into a casket with some tiny meth addict inside it. His mom. He’d always known who she was, but she was never around. They’d found her in the basement of a meth house, the needle still between her toes.

By the age of 14 he’d been arrested twice and by that same age he’d tried his first hit of meth.

Once he hit the ‘responsible’ age of 18 he’s living on the streets with a mind fried beyond aid…

And now, another homeless man is calling him crazy.

All this story in an instant; my mind trying to answer the question of how someone ended up like this. The lack of love, the absence of parents, compounded onto the unwanted crack-baby born. It’s a sad story, all tragedy and no comedy.

Love. We all want it. Yet a redeeming love, a love that transcends to such depths as this, is only found in Jesus. For no man or woman or child or mother or father could love one to salvation, only Jesus can.

Literary Things

I finished reading the Harry Potter series over the weekend, and then I promptly began reading Dracula (you know just reading books pop-Christianity has damned at some point but are now classics) at the recommendation of a good friend. But back on the track of Harry Potter I wish to relay something, something that I feel, rather know to be truer than the weird legalism that tells people certain books send you to hell if you read them.

"Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, &, above all, those who live without love."

Love. We over use the word to be sure. In Harry Potter it is the only thing, which kills Voldemort (Ahhh! I said his name!). In The Count of Mounte Cristo love is the only thing that keeps Edmond Dantes from carrying out his revenge (Yea, the movie screwed that up bad). In A Tale of Two Cities love is what presses Sydney Carton to be executed in the place of Darnay saying, “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.” In the Christian narrative the thing that brings about the end of Satan, sin, and death is the love of God. “For God so loved the world…”

This ethereal thing, this love, is powerful, in literature it proves to be the downfall of the antagonist; in Christianity it presses God to save man; and in life we are pushed to give up dreams and fight for those we love. To sacrifice and compromise to see the good of another carried out.

But more than these nifty little things it must be highlighted that love is the reason God saves anyone. Yet we expect it to be love for us, when reality speaks to the love of himself being the cause for redemption. Egomaniacal? Yes, thank God. ‘Cause if God is to be God he must worship what is most worthy of worship and if God is most worthy of worship then he must worship God or prove to be in contrast to his own law of idolatry.

Pity those who live without love. Pity because there is no power, no hope, and no joy. Pity because there is nothing more exquisite than love. Pity because the love of God has proven, will prove, and is proving itself to be the end of the fall.

Ripped from the Journal: One

“You will be hated by all for my name’s sake.” Luke 21:17

Hated for the sake of Jesus, for his name’s sake. Too often we’re reviled as believers not because of Jesus’ name but because we’re judgmental prigs or Theological throat cutters.

We’re hated because we’re jerks. Rather than living lives of love we’re living lives of I’m-right-and-you’re-wrong-and-going-to-hell-for-it.

Hell is real and important but as finite individuals we’re not capable or are we ever commanded to damn anyone or make definitive statements about other people’s salvation. It’s a big enough deal to, “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,” rather than trying to work out everyone else’s too.

But in the end, whether you’ve been believing since you were five or just started believing at 55 or are far from belief the fact remains true, we all need the gospel. The message will not or should not change. What is effective at saving dead men is effective at feeding the living.

Quick Thoughts on I Corinthians 16:13

“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” I Corinthians 16:13

This verse has been popping up in my little brain for the past 3 weeks like clockwork (and no that clockwork is not orange). It’s simple enough, right? I mean, Paul gives 5 statements, how hard can that be to understand? Let’s take ‘em in stride.

“Be watchful…” It’s Paul, so let’s assume he's speaking of being watchful for the return of Jesus as well as being vigilant against wolves seeking to lead people away from Jesus. Yet at the same time seeing your own heart for what it is and knowing the necessary antidote is nothing more or less than Jesus. You must be watchful in all things (and by all I really mean all).

“… Stand firm in the faith…” Not wavering with every turn of your heart or gust in the relevant theological trends. Believing so boldly and so soundly in your mind and heart so as to understand Martin Luther’s words of, “sin boldly.” Seeking above all things the truth of Scripture and wisdom of the Lord.

“… Act like men…” Yes. Not a boy who is being rebuked and thus cowers with his head hung low not looking into the eyes of the rebuke. Not a boy who would rather have momentary gratification than protect and lead a family. Not the pansy who thinks working out more and having more sex and drinking more than anyone else makes him more "manly." Act like men. (Eph. 5:25-33; I Tim. 6:11-21; Titus; I Peter 3:7)

“… Be Strong.” Be strong for the weaker vessel. Be able to protect the one in need of protecting. Be strong in the faith for your family and friends. Be strong in the Lord because he has made you that way for his own glory. Not weak of mind, but strong; not weak of spirit, but strong; not weak of heart, but strong.

“Let all that you do be done in love.” Again, I’m fairly sure that, “all,” here means – ALL. Paying the bills, doing the laundry, speaking with that annoying person, let all that you do be done in love. I would dare to say there is nothing more powerful or dangerous than love. It is thus understandable for God to command us to, “Love the Lord with all your heart with all your soul and with all your mind. (Matt. 22:37)

Simple enough, right? Only by the grace of God purchased at the cross of Christ will our sinful hearts be able to do any of these. Only by Jesus are we made free. Free from cowardice, weakness, apathy, faithlessness, and blindness. So, you see, we don't just need to act better, we need to be born again.

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.

Hoping Against All Hope

Hope. It’s a word I love. Probably, it would be safe to say, this is my favorite word. It’s tossed around in political campaigns and desires for grandeur, fame, relationships, food and money. But hope is such an all-encompassing feeling like joy or love. Yet it’s much more than simply looking forward to something.

I would submit that most of what we feel as hope is something we would classify as nostalgia. Remembrances of our past, good things which cause us to hope for their return, C.S. Lewis hits it square in the face by saying, “These things-the beauty, the memory of our past-are good images of what we really desire… [But] they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never visited.”

Our hope in so far as it is deemed to be true and solid hope is not simply in what we desire for the future, but what we know from the past, mostly Jesus’ finalized work on the cross and victory over death. For if we hope in the future there must be an understanding of this past accomplishment not simply as fact but as faith.

But to hope in things seen is to not hope at all for hope is in the unseen, the eternal rather than the transient. Sure it may be a desire of things to occur, but it is not hope. Hope is founded in faith. But faith in the transient is misplaced faith. For though I can have faith in a relationship working and hope for it to last, that faith and that hope will not change what will be. But faith in the Eternal and hope in the Lasting leads to not simply to momentary satisfaction but lasting joy in the love of God.

So hope is just as complex as joy or love. But rightly placed hope will never put one to shame. For rightly placed hope does not merely look to the future of what will be but simultaneously looks to the past of what has been finished in one’s place for one’s sins.

Our Constant Need

Do you know that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? The one that feels strangely similar to hunger but isn’t hunger at all? Maybe yours is that feeling in your heart, when it seems to free-fall to your toes? Or perhaps yours is the fogginess of the brain, where the simplest thought is the hardest of struggles? What do we need in these moments, what must we have?

Jesus. Not a man to give advice or a woman to listen to the issue, we need Jesus. We do not need to understand the nuances of the deepest theology we just need Jesus.

We need him… I need him to have lived a perfect life. I need him to have been beaten far beyond recognition as human. I need him to have been nailed to a torturous cross. I need him to have yielded up his spirit. I need the blood and water to flow. I need him to have been buried and more than that to have risen from the grave. I need him to be seated at the right hand of the Father on high interceding on my behalf.

Saying, “His debt I have paid and his heart I have won. I have loved him before the foundations of the world were set when You, my Father, gave him to me. He is mine and I will not loose him.”

More than self-help and self-worth and self-love we need to hear of Jesus, the perfect God-Man, doing what none could do and willingly dying for wretch’s sins.

And this we will always need, even when our stomachs feel the way they should and our hearts are stationed in their proper places and when clarity of thought is a breeze. We can never or will ever outgrow our need for the astoundingly simple yet infinitely complex beautiful gospel of Jesus Christ our Savior.

What is Joy?

Let me explain a word to you, a word, as I understand it.

Joy, joy is not simply happiness, nor is it simply excitement. For in joy there is sadness and there is brokenness, happiness and sorrow. Joy is an idea held within the heart transcending all aspects of life, from the devastating to the amazing. Happiness is fleeting and sadness will not last, but joy goes right through the heart of both of these.

Joy has been a recent theme in my life. Not simply in my personal study but in the teachings of the church as well as the discussions with my friends. Joy, it seems, is such an elusive thing.

We’re always wondering how it came to us when we have it and where it went when we don’t. But I don’t think that’s a proper understanding of what joy really is.

Joy, it would seem, is a constant. Once it is had, it will never go. “But what about when I feel no joy?” you might ask. Joy is no feeling, it’s an idea held in your heart -- not your brain. We feel excitement and happiness but much like love joy is not a simple emotion.

It is quite complex really. For though I love The Anchor I do not love it the same way I love my nephew. And though I love my nephew I do not pray for him the same way I pray for my future children. So it is with joy.

But with joy we have lower words to describe those base feelings of happiness and excitement, it is not so with love (I love Oreos and I love God – same word completely different meanings).

This is joy: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you… So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
This is joy." (2 Cor 4:7-12,16-17)

Demanded

This morning I read Luke 14:25-33. The section heading in my Bible is, “The Cost of Discipleship,” and it uses words like, “hate,” “bear your own cross,” and “renounce.” It made me think of an interesting theme, one that has been running through my mind for quite some time now.

I don’t like soft language. To be sure it is necessary at many times, but, also, many times call for the proper words to be used, words which might be considered harsh.

Take for instance this passage; many might say after reading this, “God wants us to sacrifice our lives to him.” WANTS? Or to say it another way, “God wishes us to sacrifice our lives to him.” For wish is the definition of want. To soft serve what should be the most threatening statement of a believers life? This is a tragedy (it’s far worse than thinking turkey-bacon is somehow comparable to real bacon).

He demands our lives. He demands we live as dead men walking. He demands our crosses be daily on our shoulders. He demands all else to be renounced and used for his glory. He demands our love for him to be powerful and so all-encompassing that love for family looks like hate.

Is this demand one that should be on all believers? Yes. Why? Because we are his disciples, it is the cost of discipleship. Yes, it is a hard cost to pay – but the beauty of the Gospel is it makes life unfair and the debt we owe is paid. And therefore, the demand, though it looks hefty is seen as light for our burden of sin was nailed to a cross and we no longer must carry our pain. We are free to be radical in the mundane.

Death is Grace

What do we think of when we think of death? Often, I assume, we think of caskets and crying widows, Psalm 23, or the manner in which a friend died. Driving by graveyards with our breath held because it was a fun game when we were 10. Viewing the, “Homecoming Escort,” as both annoying and morbidly intriguing.

We usually steer clear of the discussion of dying. And, to be honest, we rightly do so, for it is a vast unknown. Some have faith, and some have science, but both are not 100% sure what will happen.

As one being saved by Jesus I would fall into the category of faith of an afterlife and an eternity with God. But sometimes I have my doubts. And sometimes I want nothing more than to be there now, and it of this I wish to write.

‘Longing’ might be a good word here, longing to die. To be free of earth and sin and myself, to look beyond that vast unknown chasm knowing what it felt like when my last breath was gone.

(Now, I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Get this dude a psychotherapist because the suicidal thoughts in the post are everywhere.” Societal thought has made death taboo however it’s just as much apart of life as love and we can talk about that without need of psychotherapist all day long).

But here’s my point: when we feel and understand so deeply our revulsion to sin we are, in that moment, screaming at the top of our hearts, “O death where is your victory? O death where is your sting?” And it is then when we see death as a grace not as a monster.

For what good God would let his loved creation wallow in the self-deprecating pitiful state that is Falling Short? How could a loving God be loving if he sat aside and let all men trudge along rather than bringing them away from the monotony? How could a glorious God be glorious if he did not eventually show his awful power and beautiful splendor to those he made to behold it? You see, death is a grace.

Now is Important, right? (pt 2)

Last week I blogged on some musings from 1 Corinthians 7:17-24 in a posted called “Now is Important, right?” (Read it here). I’d like to continue the theme from that post, applying it to something different.

We all want to be loved. To be hugged and cherished, to be - perhaps - swooned over and recognized for what we are or who we are. The way we dress, the way we speak, what we read, and what we own all of these things are attempts at placing ourselves in the realm of the people we esteem. We want to be cool.

Not to be the odd nerd in the corner or to be the guy with his nose stuck in a book. But to be the one everyone loves, that’s what we want, but why?

Why do we want to be loved by everyone? Becoming social chameleons to be hated by none. We even do this in the church, changing and adapting and lying to not be left out or given the cold shoulder.

But shouldn’t the church be the one place where you are capable to be you? To not worry about what the “cool folks” do and feeling the pressure to conform to their image?

God has made us. He has made us who we are and wired us the way we are wired for one reason, and for one reason only, to glorify himself. But we take this body, personality and characteristics and cannibalize them, ripping them limb from limb and duct taping them together to make this Frankenstein of a monster for the sake of being cool.

How would things look if you were the person you are when your alone all the time? And to say it wouldn’t be pretty is to say that what God created is ugly.