Being a pastor is one of the, if not the only job in the world where your personal life has a direct relation on your professional life. Everything you do on your ‘off-time’ will come to light and be judge just as strictly as if you were ‘on the clock’. It is quite an interesting phenomenon, and of course makes total sense.
I’ve heard it said to pastors, “What’s wrong with your church is what’s wrong with you.” I wholeheartedly agree. Let me peal back my skin and show you my heart.
Depression is near yet not so dear to my heart. It always has been. When I hear of one whom rarely, if ever, struggles with depression I marvel and wonder what that must be like. It sucks. Yet I would not trade depression for a peaceful mind. The tumult of depression is a constant reminder of my depravity.
I tell you this because a majority of the people I am privileged to lead deal with depression. Coincidence? I think not. Providence? I think so. What’s wrong with my church is what’s wrong with me. Pride. The pride of introspection.
From thought life to action, from personal study to public writing, from sitting in a chair by oneself to teaching, in all of it there must be a pressing on to know God. One cannot simply be in ministry and not grow… unless of course he’s a fraud. One must always be learning, adapting, and becoming wiser. This does not mean the message preached changes. It means the kid who started in ministry grows up to be a godly man and continues this growth for all of his life.
So when the deep desire comes to just act ones age rather than fighting sin well, one must turn to the Gospel. When the spotlight of ministry grows too bright and want of the shadow wells up, one must cling to the Gospel. Why the Gospel? Because, “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.”
Though the judgments of men are harsh and though a constant feeling of condemnation sits upon the head, Jesus is the identity. The pastor ought to be lost in him, so much so that there is little reference to the boy that used to be there. My biggest problem has been taken care of on the cross of Christ and therefore the harsh judgments of men are a leaf in the fall breeze. The constant condemnation is fader for the fire of remembering; “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Rom. 8:1)”
But in all the falling of leaves and the stoking of flames the pastor must fight his personal sin publically, through the grace of God purchased on the cross of Jesus Christ.
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