Pastoral Resignation

This morning I read a letter to the church I worked at and help start over the past three years. In that letter I announced my resignation from being a pastor. It was and has been a difficult time for me to process through much of the weight, emotions, frustrations, and worries that have come with and been a part of this decision – a decision that has been developing over the past six months.

In short it is time for me to rest.To remember the gospel which for the past six years of my life has been either a semi-professional or professional job for me. But the gospel isn’t a professional calling. No, it’s so much more and less than that. It’s more because it’s what doctors and lawyers and bankers and moms and dads and college students and grad students and nurses alike cling to for hope and joy and peace. And it’s less because it’s the simplicity of child like faith and awe; because its burden is easy and yoke is light; because it’s the symphony of grace and mercy. The gospel isn’t some ware to be pervade or sold; it is the treasure in the field for which we sell all out of joy.

Many sleepless nights and desperate cries to the darkness (and my steering wheel) have filled my life these past months. Talks with family, friends, a counselor, my doctor, and the elders as well as the impressing leading of God have brought me to this grueling decision. It hurts to – for this next season - lay down the pastoral role. Do I still feel a deep and abiding calling? No, I feel a deep and abiding passion for proclaiming the gospel. Callings are good, they give a sense of direction, but it’d be better put to feel a burning passion for the gospel rather than a call for ministry. While a call to vocational ministry is desired, before any of that who-haw can be true there must be a love for the gospel of grace of which I am a partaker and chiefly in need of. That though my sins be great, my God is greater. That while my treachery runs deep, His love runs deeper. That in the midst of loss Jesus is my comforter.

            Thus I am no longer a pastor at a church.

Journaled Time

I cannot, or even, claim to know any part of the mind of God or the particular reason he acts how he does and bring what he brings.

            I do know, however, that he is about his own glory (which coincides with my good) and therefore when he does things they are done in paramount necessity and perfect will and timing.

            But that jut it, time.

            Bound so closely to our bonds; woven so inextricably to our hearts; and tied, so very neatly, to our lives. Time is the subtle (at times screaming) reminder that, “We are not as we once were.”

            Time, this slow unstoppable march to our ends from our beginnings making our middles the adventure (and making them flutter with butterflies), when closing our eyes is the worst possible sin.

            For in so doing, we’ll miss it, whatever it is, and relegate our stories to the obituaries and not the feature.

            I don’t not think this is how life ought to be lived, in a half-hearted fashion, no, for what little time we have here we must, because Christ is our King, take hold of all of life and use every small bit for the glory, the same glory God is after, the glory of God.

            Therein is life.

(The picture is of art at Wichita's Final Friday.)

Thoughts-ish

1) Have you ever just wanted to keep driving? You know, away.

2) This was my first week of working just a job. No classes, no homework, just work... I think I'll start a coffee shop with my extra time.

3) Re-reading Harry Potter.

4) I had deja-vu all day on Thursday.

5) The Killers: Sam's Town. Fantastic album. The Horrible Crowes: Elsie. Another fantastic album

6) "Am I more than the sum of the things I have and haven't done." ~Abandon Kansas

7) Come to me you weak, you broken, you messy lives, you weary, you heavy laden; I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

8) This slow unstoppable march to our ends from our beginnings makes our middles the adventure (and makes them flutter with butterflies), the time when closing your eyes, shutting out the outside, is the worst possible sin.

9) Went for a walk. Saw fireflies. Now it's time to capture them!

10) Fight the good fight of faith. Fight to believe. Fight to see Jesus as your only hope. Fight.