Providing

"I'm a terrible son." That kept running through my mind and out of my lips while I drank my foldgers coffee staring out the window at a Philadelphia intersection. "He's always provided for you, always, and you're just now noticing how much and how often he does this... Where's your head been Sam?"

Now I'm sitting here at Starbucks drinking a free cup of coffee, planing a trip that's being provided for while praying about a life that God is clearly leading. I'm terrible at following, but he's got me in a place where that's all I can do. Sit here and pray that he keeps taking me down the path he wants me on, that my sinful self doesn't jump the gun or overshoot the landing or just be stubborn...

I know he's sovereign and I know I can't screw up his plan - I'm not big enough to do that, but I do want to follow the timing he has.It's an odd place to be, to completely trust in God's timing yet wonder about the timing of things - know what I mean? When the options before you are good and best but you should aim to choose best and not just settle for good... I'm confused writing about this. Plus there's that whole, delayed obedience is still disobedience bit that keeps playing in my head like a broken record.

He'll do it all, he has to, cause I can't anything on my own.