My last task for the church was to lead a team of 15 to India. My friends Yesupadam and Monika own Love-N-Care Ministries there – it’s a fantastic ministry. I hold them in as much respect as I hold my parents; they are indeed parents to me.
So off to India I went with 15 others most of who had never been out of the USA… It was an adventure for sure. Our time was sweet there, it was beautiful to see God break into my own heart and start to draw my damaged heart to himself. He’s so good – my whole world is about to change because God, the God of Abraham and Isaac and Moses, the same God who made the stars has planned my life and drawn me to himself to give me a wife, yes, my whole world is about to change – praise Jesus.
Let me tell you about this whole meeting a girl in India deal. But to do so I need to tell you how hurt I was after my last relationship ended. “Devastated” would be a great word. I sat on my couch the Friday after Thanksgiving crying – all day. I hurt, and I was angry and I was lonely…
“God why? What are you doing? If you want me to be a pastor or to be in missions or to do anything that you’ve called me to do then I need a wife, I know I do, but you won’t let me have one it seems… if you want me to be married you do it, I’m tired of searching and wondering and fighting for relationships you’re not in, so God you do it. She needs to tell me I’m her husband. Cause I’m done searching and dating.”
That’s how I prayed after the break up and resignation. It wasn’t the “cry of my heart,” prayer. It was just a hurt kid telling his Dad that he was pissed off and didn’t want to do anything about it. (My poor roommate started dating a girl the same week… I told them love was fake and they’d both be crying into whiskey bottles in six months… classy right?)
On the flights to India I was enthralled with the idea of another group being there, can’t really tell you why, I just kept wondering who was in that other group – maybe I knew there would be something special about this mysterious other group. So once we arrived and found out there was indeed another group there I was a little thrilled. Then Mackenzie came… I was terrified of her. She’s gorgeous both spiritually and physically. And I’m a boy with a past – a dangerous past.
“She beautiful, I’m not going to talk to her. I’m not a good guy, I’m terrible and I would never be able to be what she needs. She deserves a man and I’m just a boy,” those where my first thoughts at seeing her. I can honestly say that’s never happened before. Usually I was the, “I’m a pastor so of course I’m a great guy,” thinker… not this time, not this time.
But I got to hear her pray, and I knew she was getting up early every morning to pray with Monika and apparently we had similar passions, I mean we were both in India at the same time and brought people back with us. So I real quick prayed about it, “God if you’re doing this then do it.” And then let it be. Cause that’s not why I was there, shoot I had a team to lead.