Monday, July 30, 2012

Re-getting Grace

Let’s talk grace.

Completely undeserved gift, completely free, completely.

I remember a few years back understanding grace in a new and beautiful way. The phrase, “Free grace,” was what I lived under. The teachings through Galatians were what I sat under, and all the while a banner of unmerited grace was flown high for any and all to see. Those were some amazing months.

Since then my understanding of grace hadn’t grown too much.

There’d been no further study or understanding of grace. No other facet of the diamond of grace had been shown to me. Nothing had pushed it forward in my brain.

But I can’t say that anymore.

Again, and differently I’m seeing grace and re-understanding the verse at the top of this blog. Knowing myself to be wretched and undeserving but God to be in total control and loving. But I want to be in control of the grace being given to me…

Weird. I want to concretely know that grace will be there tomorrow and the next day and forever. I want to ration it out to myself. I want to be so sure of it that I can hold on to it. But I can’t hold on to this free gift – it holds on to me.

So here I sit, lavished by grace, undeserved and beautiful and scary too.

1 comment:

Marilyn said...

I always knew my grace was there, I just wouldn't forgive myself. Satan entered my head and allowed me to beat myself up over and over again for the sins that Christ had already forgiven me for. It wasn't until I truly realized what He went through for much He love me by being tortured brutally and nailed upon the cross for sins past, present, and future that I finally forgave myself.